I forgot about toothpaste.
It’s been so long since I had any, I forgot about it, like a child forgets about diapers, or a married man forgets his prom date. I don’t even know when toothpaste entered the human experience. Not even the century. Did Queen Victoria use toothpaste? Cleopatra? Elenore Roosevelt? I have no idea. I do, however, know that almost nobody uses it now. Because there isn’t any. Any toothpaste. Any teeth in living mouths. Any living anyone.
I just found a half-used tube in an apartment building I was scavenging through. I even recognize the brand. Keeps Your Smile Bright! Catchy ad theme song too. Everyone was smiling. Bright, wide, perfect dentistry mouthing the lyrics to a fucking catchy tune. Lots of animated twinkles too, with appropriate musical queues.
I’ve got some water left in my canteen. I’m feeling saucy. I might just brush my fucking teeth in the middle of my species’ extinction. If you’re going to go out, go out with a smile and pleasant breath…